I am 38 years old, and it has taken me this long to recognize the truth…I am a people pleaser. It was never my intention to become a people pleaser. I do not enjoy being a people pleaser. Then I realized something that was incredibly eye opening; I have the power to change that! If I don’t like it and I want to be free from living my life to please others, then I can!
The first step to changing this undesirable trait about myself is recognizing the signs. Do you…
-Put other people’s needs before your own
-Allow others to take advantage of your kindness
-Avoid conflict
-Find it hard to say no
-Do things out of obligation
-Stay in unsatisfying relationships or situations
-Compromise your values if it means people will like you
I noticed I was guilty of pretty much all these things! When I decided to say enough was enough was when I also realized it was affecting my marriage. I would intentionally put myself in situations that I was uncomfortable with because of fear of saying no or dealing with conflict. Then I would vent to my spouse about it and it would consume my mind for days or even weeks.
This is not how we should live! When I figured out that saying no to someone, although it might make me feel uncomfortable, would also set me free, it was mind-blowing! Something so simple that I had missed seeing for most of my life.
We should not live for other people’s acceptance. We are already accepted and chosen by God! He does not want us to go through life striving for the approval of people. I’ve learned that this is such a backwards way of living, and it can be a very exhausting way to live.
I wish I could say that I am no longer a people pleaser. I wish I could say that I have been “cured.” But the truth is, it’s a work in progress. I am a “Recovering People Pleaser.” I now know that for me to live out my purpose and to have a healthy marriage, I need to work on some things. And I’m okay with that. God has given me so much grace in this area and each day I am learning more about myself in the process too. He has made me a leader. He has given me the courage to say no. And He is setting me free from the bondage of being a people pleaser. With Jesus walking with me through this, I am experiencing more peace in my life and I am excited to find out what He holds for my future!